Seeking Solace
by Whybe123
Summary: She was there. It was happening again; from the beginning. The explosions, the rain, mud plugging her nose. She couldn't breathe, it was too much. "Get up!" A voice through the chaos. "Get up, Pentaghast!" There he was, his face bloodied and laden with black mud. "Hawke." She managed, spitting dirt from her lips. "I'm not going to leave you out here! Get up!" (Mau.)
1. Chapter 1

**MAU, like I said, except still with qunari and elves and dwarves.**

.o0o.

She was there. It was happening again; from the beginning. The explosions, the rain, mud plugging her nose. She couldn't breathe, it was too much.

"Get up!" A voice through the chaos. "Get up, Pentaghast!" There he was, his face bloodied and laden with black mud.

"Hawke." She managed, spitting dirt from her lips.

"I'm not going to leave you out here! Get up!" Somehow, given all the rain and mud, that single stripe of red war paint went across the bridge of his nose. A small part of Cassandra smiled inside, he was still him; that moron. His firm hand clasped around her left bicep, pulling her up to her feet. She was waist deep in mud inside the trench they were taking cover in. Bullets flew overhead. Cassandra gripped her rifle close to her chest and took a moment to breathe.

"What happened?" She asked Hawke, his eyes were darting up and down the trench for a way out.

"An explosion knocked us into the trench." Hawke shouted. "We need to get out, the enemy is advancing!"

"How long was I out?"

"Not long, I was worried you'd drown down here, so I came right away." Hawke gave her a small smile. A loud explosion just overhead lit the air around them with intense heat and bright light. "We need to get out of here! Move! Move! Move!"

Cassandra and Hawke waded as quickly as they could through the mud-filled trench. Their boots sunk into unseen holes beneath the slurry of earth and rain.

They ran out of the trench, out of the side of the battle field. Bullets still whizzed past their ears while they made a mad dash for cover behind a short concrete barrier. Just beyond their sight was a truck in a small wooded area, it was filling with fellow soldiers. They saw a squad mate, a cadet they had trained with all through boot camp, Varric Tethras. He was the only dwarf in the battalion.

"Pentaghast! Hawke! Run, run you fucking idiots!" Varric screamed. Cassandra and Hawke glanced at each other for a moment. Hawke smiled solemnly. Cassandra smiled back. The two nodded and poised themselves to run. Bullets shot past, explosions ringing in their ears, their hearts pounding. The two took off, Hawke in the front. They were a few meters away. Mud splashed up around them, rain clouded their eyes, shots nicked their clothing. Then that's when is happened. A thud, a hit. Hawke stumbled, his body flown off to the left. He fell, he fell like a sack of bricks. Cassandra didn't even have enough time to react, she tripped over him and fell as well. Mud went up her nose and stung her eyes.

"Hawke!?" She screamed. She ignored the fire above her head. The woman turned and crawled over to him as low to the ground as she could manage. Hawke was gasping, his eyes wide looking up at the sky. He smiled again at Cassandra.

"Cass," he choked, blood and mud leaking from the side of his lips.

"No." Cassandra bit, shaking her head. Her shaking white fingers laced into Hawke's. His hands were warm with blood spurting from his torso, just in his ribs.

"Cass," he said again, tears poured from his eyes.

"I said no dammit!" Cassandra screamed. Hawke took his other hand and put it behind her neck, pulling her closer. His calloused fingers gripped her short hair with the last of his strength. Their eyes locked, the both of them crying; they both knew what was coming.

"Save me that drink, Pentaghast." Hawke grinned. Their foreheads pressed together, clammy and cold.

"I will." She sputtered. Hawke drew back, falling on the ground.

"Shoot me." Hawke ordered, the pain in his lungs sending him to the end. "Take my tags- *cough*- get your ass to that truck and shoot me."

Cassandra pulled the tags off his neck and hugged him around the neck. Suddenly all at once she remembered where she was. The booming, the screaming.

"Pentaghast!" Varric's voice came from behind her. She sobbed and scrambled to the truck. She climbed in its bed and cocked her rifle. Staring down the sights she saw Hawke, he gave her a thumbs up.

Leave no man behind.

Don't let him be taken by the enemy.

Give him an honorable death, at the hands of someone who respects him.

The sharp crack of the gun hit her ears like knives, the butt of the gun jabbed into her. Except, it didn't. Not now. She rolled off of her couch onto the floor, the hardwood thudding against her skin. Her hands and feet went numb, her fingers curled into impossibly tight fists. She couldn't breathe. She was gasping for breath, her throat closing, ears pulsing with blood, chest pounding so hard if felt like it had already burst. Suddenly, through vision clouded with tears, was a face. Fuzzy through liquid, but she could still see her. Her. The girl across the hall, the elf. The elf's calloused fingers went to Cassandra's cheeks, focusing her eyes on her.

"Cassandra, look at me. Look at me. You aren't there." Her voice soothed shakily. "You're at home, you're here, you are not there."

"S-S-S-Sera-a-a." Cassandra sputtered, eyes rolling back in her head and her jaw clenched painfully tight. Sera's hands pulled apart the fingers of Cassandra's right fist, their fingers laced together. Sera ignored the pain caused by the mindless grip of Cassandra's hands for the sake of bringing her back.

"Breathe, Cass, breathe. You're alright." Cassandra's breathing slowed. She went from hyperventilating to nearly silent in a few minutes. Sera in turn relaxed. She sat with her back against the couch and pulled Cassandra up beside her to sit. Cassandra still trembled slightly. Her hands went to the dog tags around her neck. Two were hers. Two were his.

.o0o.

**That was intense to write.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Backstory yay!**

.o0o.

Sera and Cassandra didn't start as friends. In fact, it was quite the opposite. They hated each other. _Hated_. The only reason they even dealt with each other in the first place was the fact that Varric knew the two of them. And he was their landlord. The apartment he had purchased shortly after their return from the war quickly became Cassandra's place of residence. She was stricken with grief, guilt ridden, Varric could hardly get her out of her room. On top of that, Cassandra had terrible night terrors and those typically resulted in panic attacks. He was afraid there wouldn't be anyone there and she would end up getting hurt one day. That's when Sera came into the picture.

.o0o.

Cassandra had a fair-sized apartment. She just didn't make use of all of it. The apartment contained a small kitchen with basic amenities right when you walked in. It had a fridge, stove, sink, and dishwasher. The counter where the sink lay had a bar, two unused bar stools sat beneath the stone countertop. The rest of the space beyond the bar was the living area, this is typically where Cassandra was. She had a couch - which is where she slept - and a television set atop a small dresser that stored her clothes. There was a door that opened into hallway just beyond the living room that split off to a small bathroom and a bedroom that she didn't use. She liked her apartment though she never spent much time there. Typically she was at work.

That particular day, Cassandra had just stepped into the apartment building to find Varric sitting cheekily behind the front desk, a sly smile on his face. Cassandra glared at him but she was too tired to inquire about what he could've done.  
She just worked twelve hours, switching between her job as a car mechanic and a busser at a restaurant down the street. Though she was employed as a busser, she practically does everything but. She's cooked on more than one occasion, and certainly took better care of the guests than the hosts she worked with.  
But she was done with that, done with work. At least for today. Cassandra just wanted to get to her room, take a shower, and pray she could have one restful moment asleep. After climbing two flights of stairs, she arrived at her door. It was open. Being as paranoid and suspicious as Cassandra tended to be, she reacted immediately. Her hand went to the satchel thrown over her shoulder and dug out a knife. Hawke had taught her to always be prepared for anything. She rounded the corner, hugging the wall tightly. When she entered there was a girl, an elf, sitting cross-legged on her floor with a nug running around her. The elf was laughing to herself as she teased the nug with a string. She was young, probably in her early twenties. Her hair was messy and short, bangs uneven, a flaxen-blonde. Freckles littered her face and covered her exposed shoulders, the short red tank-top did nothing to hide her skinny figure. Cassandra made the decision to walk in. She pushed the door open and stood in the doorframe until the elf noticed her. The elf's hazel eyes flashed excitedly. She hopped to her feet and grinned.  
"Yer Cassandra, right?" She asked, her voice thick with a Ferelden accent.  
"Why are you in my room?" Cassandra barked, ignoring the elf's inquiry. "Who are you? How did you get in here?"  
The elf pursed her lips and stood calmly, her hip popping off to one side and her arms crossing her chest.  
"I take it Varric didn't tell you then?" She replied. "Name's Sera. I'm yer roommate now, cupcake."

.o0o.

Varric and Cassandra chased each other around the dwarf's desk shouting at one and other for what felt like hours. Sera watched, unimpressed, and Varric's adopted son, Cole, stood beside her with worry in his fragile, pale face.  
"Why didn't you tell me first?!" Cassandra shouted.  
"I didn't think you'd react _this_ bad!" The dwarf replied.  
"You cannot honestly think that."  
"Okay maybe not but _still_!"  
"Why is she here?! In _my_ room?!"  
"Look Cass," Varric held up his hands defensively, pausing on one side of the desk. "Sera is my goddaughter, and she needs a place to stay cuz her mom is sick-"  
"And you think I want to play babysitter?" Cassandra reeled, appalled.  
"I'm twenty-three, arse-hole." Sera spat bitterly.  
"My point exactly." Cassandra said. Sera glared at the dark-haired woman and her godfather for a few moments before she turned on her heel and walked out. Cole, concerned, followed behind her. Cassandra returned her icy stare back to Varric.  
"You can't be serious." She articulated, almost whined.  
_"I am."_ Varric shouted firmly while he slammed a fist on his desk. "Cassandra, I'm worried about you, and I'm worried about Sera. I need both of you to look after each other, because I _cannot_ afford to lose _anyone_ else; especially you two!"  
Cassandra's shouldered relaxed slightly, she sighed. She put a hand to her temple and breathed for a moment, she was getting to tense. She could feel her hands and feet tingling, threatening to send her over the edge.  
"Fine. Whatever. Fuck it. As long as she stays out of my way." Cassandra grumbled childishly and stormed out of the room. Back in the entrance of the apartment building, Cassandra paused to send a cold look at Sera. She was standing with her back to Cassandra and Cole at her side. Sera raised a brow in inquiry. Cassandra said nothing and made for her room. Sera sighed behind her. She gave Cole a quick hug and trailed behind Cassandra.  
"I've known you for all of five minutes and yer already turning yer back on me, huh?" Sera said.  
"Look, just-" Cassandra started shouting, she paused to compose herself. "Just...you can take the bedroom. Please don't be too loud, if you're going eat something of mine ask me first, and _please_, for the love of the Maker, if I'm sleeping _don't_ wake me up."  
"Alright then, nice warm welcome, that." Sera said bitterly. The two made it to Cassandra's room, now their room, where the two promptly separated. Sera slammed the door to the hallway, and slammed the door to her bedroom for good measure. Cassandra growled slightly.  
"Brat..." She mumbled and plopped herself on the couch. "Wasted my shower time..." Cassandra, now both physically and emotionally drained, was ready for some shut eye.

But she hardly got any. The explosions, crashing, shouting-  
"_HAWKE_!" Cassandra screamed as she was thrown into consciousness. Her body was tense and she fell of the couch, hyperventilating, and her chest in knots. She couldn't breathe, the hardwood floor was in her face and everything seemed to be pulsing in and out of view.  
"Whoa what the- Cassandra?!" A voice above her; Sera. Sera was next to her in a flash. Her hands were trembling, her eyes nervous. Sera swallowed hard, she had to help. Sera held Cassandra's shoulders firmly, but not harshly, and locked their eyes.

"Cassandra, look at me, look here," Sera said, voice shaking. "Breathe, alright, breathe. Count with me, one...two...three..."

"F-f-four...five..." Cassandra joined, trying to slow her breathing and match her pace with Sera.

"Six...seven...eight..." They counted until Cassandra's body relaxed. She let out a deep sigh and sat up. She looked up to Sera shamefully.

"Thank you, Sera." Cassandra said lowly, avoiding her eyes.

"I hope you'dve done the same for me." Sera replied. The two grew quiet, they sat there on the floor together. Sera's chubby pet nug came up to them excitedly, it's nubby tail wiggling. Sera pet it gently with a smile. The nug then padded over to Cassandra, its little hands grabbing at her. Cassandra tried to resist petting it but couldn't help it, it was too cute. She mussed with the scruf on the little beast's neck, making it even more excited.

"What's it's name?" Cassandra asked.

"Her Royalty, Miss Ladybits." Sera answered cheekily. Cassandra shook her head slightly but couldn't help a small smile.

"Why aren't I surprised?" She mumbled. Sera loked over Cassandra thoughtfully. There was some sadness behind her hazel eyes.

"Varric told me." She whispered. Cassandra sighed defeatedly, her shoulders slumped. "I won't ask. Touchy stuff, I know. Just know that...ugh, man I hate talking. Look, I'm yer roomie, I'm here for you. I've dealt with some shite- I'm dealing with some shite. So I can relate, 'n, whatever."

Cassandra looked up at the blonde with a thoughtful expression. Cassandra thanked her quietly with a small nod. Sera returned the gesture, an awkward smirk on her face. Sera rose from the floor and patted her thigh for her nug to follow her back into her room. Cassandra stood and held a hand out to stop her.

"W-Wait," She spoke before she realized. Sera stopped in her tracks and raised a brow at the older woman. "Do you...I mean, would you...Wanna watch some tv?"

.o0o.

Cassandra and Sera became rather close shortly after that. The two bonded over a surprising shared interest; they both loved to watch the cheesy soap opera _Swords and Shields._ That opened discussion between them. They talked about nothing in particular. Bands they liked, plans they had, movies they watched. Over the days, the weeks, the months, they grew closer. Eventually there came a time when they were able to talk about Hawke. Cassandra was cold to the discussion, but Sera wanted to hear about it from her. Though she respected her desire to avoid reliving the experience any more than she had to. Sera became one of Cassandra's best friends. She was that sweet, crazy elf across the hall who kept an eye out for her when she needed it.


	3. Chapter 3

**Back to the present**

.o0o.

Cassandra released the dog-tags from her tense fingers and sighed heavily, throwing herself against the couch in frustration. She'd hardly slept, again, and now it was early morning; time to get to work.

"We have to go to work." Sera said quietly while she rubbed Cassandra's shoulder.

"Yeah, I know." Cassandra replied, disappointment in her voice. "Riding with me?"

"I feel bad having you bike us to work each day." Answered the elf timidly as she rose from the floor. She was already dressed for work, she was a waitress at the same restaurant Cassandra bussed at. She hated her uniform. She thought it was so boring. A simple white button-up and black dress pants was not outlandish enough for the elf's taste. She nearly got reprimanded every day for the shiny bracelets and amount of piercings she had.

Cassandra rolled her eyes and made for her dresser. She dug out a white shirt of her own and threw it over the tank-top she already had on.

"You know I don't care." Cassandra said. "Just grab a water bottle for me and go unlock the bike."

"Yes ma'am!" Sera sounded-off jokingly. "Where's yer key at?"

"Right here." Cassandra said, taking a small bronze key off of the key-chain in her belt loop. Sera swiped it from her hands and skipped out of their apartment playfully.

Cassandra didn't want to go to work. Not like she ever did, but she especially didn't feel like it right now. Something was off and she could feel it. However she didn't trust her gut and decided to just muddle through the day, she was probably just being paranoid. She bid farewell to Miss Ladybits and exited the apartment, making sure to lock it before she left. Cassandra went down the stairs as quick as she could, her boots stomping loudly on each step until she made it to the entrance. Cole was sitting behind the front desk alone. He was rocking in his seat as if he was uneasy. He seemed alright enough though and waved at Cassandra while she left. She gave him a tiny smile and wave in return while she pushed her way out of the front door. Sera was standing out front near the gates with the bike in her hands and a backpack slung over her shoulder. She was looking off down the road; the road was filled with traffic.

"Times like these remind me that it isn't all great having a car." Sera mumbled when Cassandra approached. Cassandra held her hand out to Sera, the elf gave her the backpack and Cassandra put it on quickly, then hopped on the bike.

"You riding on my handlebars or on the back?" Cass asked.

"Back, handlebars make me too paranoid." Sera replied, shuddering slightly. "Damn it's cold today." Cassandra grunted in return. Sera went behind the bike and stood on the rear pegs. Her arms went around Cassandra's shoulders and she rested her chin in the crook of her neck.

"Ugh cut it out." Cassandra grumbled at the feel of Sera's breath on her neck. Sera laughed and pulled back so Cassandra could begin the half-hour bike trip to the restaurant; The Drunken Nug.

In retrospect, it's more of a pub then a restaurant. It was a little dirty, usually full of men looking for a good drink and someone to bother, and surprisingly decent food. But it was pretty popular in the city of Orlais, well, it was popular to the underground of the city. Ironically enough, the employees were still made to look like they were working at some high-class restaurant that charges fifty silver for a bite of nug.

The duo pulled up in front of the brick building. Sera hopped off the bike and took the backpack from Cassandra so she could lock up her bike behind the building.

"Clock me in?" Cassandra called.

"Always." Sera replied.

"Thank you."

Sera smiled slightly while she sauntered into the building. She greeted a few other employees as she navigated her way into the back of the restaurant to clock in.

"I don't want to work today~" She hummed to herself. "I hate people~"

"You and me both." Cassandra's voice mused from behind her. "But we have to work."

"Yeah I know, I know. 'Work or die'!" Sera said dramatically shaking her fist. Cassandra shook her head, laughing.

They split up to attend to their respective jobs. Sera waited the tables and Cassandra cleared them off. That often lead to them passing each other and Sera making quick, innapropriate jokes.

"Hey Cassie," She whispered when they were both headed towards the kitchen.

"Hm?" She grunted, she already knew what was coming.

"What's brown and sticky?"

"Half the stuff we serve here."

"*snort* Good guess, might actually be a better answer. Answer was: a stick."

They hated their jobs sometimes but they made it through together.

The restaurant was slowing down, the lunch rush had just ended. Sera was incredibly bored. She was standing at the front of the restaurant in wait of more patrons. None came. She sighed, and groaned, and lamented to whoever would listen: Cassandra.

"This is painful." Sera whined.

"So is listening to you." Cassandra teased.

"Ouch, Cassie, ouch." Sera feigned hurt. Suddenly, her phone buzzed in her pocket. She looked around to make sure their boss wasn't around before checking her phone. "Let me know if Mr. Coryphe-fish is coming."

"It's Corypheus." Cassandra corrected.

"Coryphenus."

"Corypheus."

"Coryphe-whatever, I don't give a shite."

"He's our boss."

"He's an arsehole. And an ugly one at that."

Cassandra nodded slightly. "Can't disagree."

Sera went quiet while she went through messages on her phone. Cassandra leaned over slightly to show that she wanted to know what was going on. Sera tilted the screen towards her to show texts from one of their neighbors from downstairs, Cullen.

"Cullen wants to know if we can watch his daughter today." Sera said.

"What time?" Cassandra asked.

"Like, in an hour or so." Sera shrugged.

"We don't get off for another four." Cassandra retorted.

"You think we could sweet-talk Coryphy-tits into letting us out now and working overtime tomorrow?" Sera suggested.

"Perhaps, maybe if I'm the one doing the talking since you refuse to learn his name." Cassandra said. Sera giggled. Cassandra rolled her eyes and started to walk to their boss' office. She could be pretty convincing when she wanted to be. And since she was a model employee, she barely even had to convince their boss to let them out. Cassandra returned triumphantly to Sera with a grin.

"Let's get out of here."

.o0o.

"Thanks again, you two." Cullen Rutherford rambled as he scooped up his daughter into a hug. "I was worried what I'd do. The station promised they'd give me a break today."

"It's no problem." Cassandra said. "You're a friend."

Cullen beamed at his friends thankfully, his honey-brown eyes shining. He gave his daughter one last peck on the cheek before leaving. "Be good, Evelyn."

"I will, papa!" His little girl responded. Cullen smiled before leaving Sera and Cassandra to attend to his daughter. Sera immediately scooped up the five-year-old in her arms and tickled her like a madman, making the little girl squeal in surprise.

"Stop!" She giggled.

"Never!" Sera roared, tumbling to the floor with Evelyn in her arms. Cassandra laughed and watched the two blondes wrestle playfully. She plopped herself on the couch, too tired to even try to join in. Evelyn sat on Sera's stomach and declared victory over her, Sera played dead and conceited defeat dramatically, complete with 'realistic' dying sounds. Cassandra and Sera had been watching Evelyn for a while now, they had become close with the little girl. Cassandra had known Cullen long before she moved in the apartment, Cullen was actually in the same bootcamp and platoon as her back during the war. She knew Evelyn when she was just a baby.

"Oh, frig, Cass," Sera said suddenly, sitting up and holding Evelyn close.

"What?" Cassandra asked, her body tensed with concern.

"We had to go to the store today. We have, like, no food."

"Agh, I completely forgot." Cassandra face-palmed. She sighed and looked between the blondes for a moment. "I guess we could still go. It's just going to suck carrying everything home."

"Well, you get to put all those big muscles to use, eh?" Sera laughed. "Let's go, Evie."

"Adventure!" The child chortled and raced Sera out the door. Cassandra rolled her eyes.

"You're both children." She mumbled to herself. Cassandra followed close behind them down the stairs and out to the sidewalk. Sera held Evelyn's hand protectively.

"We going down that way or to the other market, Cass?" Sera asked, jerking her thumb over her shoulder to indicate which way she meant.

"Ah...This way, it's closer." Cassandra decided and started walking up the street. Sera and Evelyn walked beside her, the two talking about nothing in particular. Evelyn was a cute little thing, her blonde curls and bright brown eyes made her look just like her father. Evelyn's little fingers found their way into Cassandra's hand. She seemed content holding both of their hands.

"Can you swing me?" She asked, eyes sparkling.

"Sure." Sera answered. "Ready?"

Evelyn giggled in anticipation.

"One,"

She jumped a little, wanting to be in the air.

"Two,"

Cassandra and Sera grinned at one and other.

"Three!"

Together they lifted the little girl up in the air, swinging her forward a ways. They repeated this until Sera's arm got tired, but they had arrived at the store anyway. Sera heaved Evelyn into a shopping cart and leaned against it casually.

"Did you make a list?" Sera asked Cassandra while the two sauntered in the store.

"No, I was just going to get basic things." She responded. "Bread, eggs, you know."

"Right, right." Sera nodded. "Ooh, can we get cookies?"

"Sera, you don't even like cookies."

"So?"

"That's a waste."

"You eat 'em too."

"...We will get fudge ones."

Cassandra, Sera, and Evelyn wandered around the store, picking out whatever sounded good at the time - and whatever was within budget - to last them the next week. Passersby continusously gave them small smiles or approving nods. At first they didn't notice at all. But once they got to the check out line...

"Can I get a candy bar?" Evelyn asked, pointing to the many candies lining the check out. Cassandra sighed.

"I don't know if Cullen would approve..."

"Pleaaaaaaaaaaaase?" Evelyn asked, clasping her hands together and giving the women puppy-dog eyes. Sera rolled her eyes.

"Stop that, with the face yer doin' there, doesn't do anything to me." Sera growled. Evelyn turned more towards Cassandra, who was equally unaffected. She crossed her arms and glared into Evelyn's eyes. Their little staring contest seemed to go on forever before Cassandra finally broke, just for the sake of stopping.

"You can pick one, and you can eat it after dinner." Cassandra said firmly.

"Yay!" The child rejoiced, her eyes scanning the candy animatedly.

"But that means no cookies. Sugar'll make you go crazy..." Sera added.

"'D'aw." Evelyn pouted.

"Hey, you could have none at all. Or maybe we could buy some and eat it ourselves." Sera threatened playfully, her eyes flashing darkly.

"No!" Evelyn laughed.

"Then pick one already, I wanna go home!" Sera said back. Cassandra walked around them to pay the cashier. The cashier, a human woman, was smiling warmly at the three of them. She told Cassandra the price, it made her cringe, and made the exchange. Sera leaned against Cassandra's shoulder to see what the damage was, making her swear under her breath about how expensive living was. She whispered something bordoring on rude in Cassandra's ear, making her hide her laughter behind her hands. The cashier grinned even more.

"Here's your change," She said, handing Cassandra a few coins.

"Thank you."

"Have a nice day, and - um - ma'am," The cashier said, reaching out slightly towards Cassandra. Cassandra raised a brow. "You have a very beautiful family."

Both Sera and Cassandra flushed deep crimson.

"We what?!" Sera exclaimed. Cassandra grabbed her arm and dragged her out of the store, leaving the cashier a bit confused. Once Cassandra had managed to drag Sera outside, the elf proceeded to shout in confusion. "She said we what?! How can she- I wouldn't- You certainly wouldn't-"

"Drop it Sera! Let's just go home." Cassandra shouted, already unloading Evelyn and the groceries. Sera shook her head.

"As if.." She muttered and started to help. "...you'd never."

.o0o.

Cullen returned later that night to take his sleepy daughter home, all three of the girls had fallen asleep shortly after they arrived home and put away the groceries. Now it was just Sera and Cassandra like usual. And Miss Ladybits. The women lied together on the small couch that was used typically as Cassandra's bed. Sera was too tired to get up, causing the already irritated Cassandra more grief.

"Get up." Cassandra groaned, kicking Sera's thigh.

"Agh, your feet are freezing!" Sera exclaimed, flinching away from the cold toes threatening her. "You dead?"

"Yes, dead tired. Please go, I want to sleep." Cassandra pleaded. Sera rolled her eyes and lolled her head off to one side. Cassandra sighed when she didn't get up. "If you're going to stay, at least move a little so I can stretch out." Cassandra said. Sera complied to this at least. She pulled Cassandra's legs into her lap and relaxed into the back of the couch. She noticed that Cassandra's feet hung over the arm of the couch, in fact most of her legs did.

"You're longer than this couch anyhow, Cassandra." Sera pointed out, playing with Cassandra's toes.

"Stop that!"

"Why don't you come sleep in my room?" Sera offered, causing Cassandra to glare at her warily. "I've got a two person bed."

"No thanks. Why don't you go sleep in your room instead? So I can get some damn sleep."

"So stubborn." Sera said wistfully and pulled Cassandra's legs from off of her and retreated to her room, Miss Ladybits tailing behind.

"Finally." Cassandra moaned and curled into a comfortable shape. The fact that she was too tall for the couch never bothered her before, or at least she chose to ignore it. Now that Sera pointed it out it seemed more obvious. Even the blanket she had was too short. She tossed and turned restlessly, unable to find a sweet spot. That signature disgusted noise sounded from her throat when she finally recognized defeat.

"Sera?" She hollered across the hall. Sera's smug face appeared through the doorway.

"Yes, luv?" She replied cheekily.

"Can I sleep in there?" Cassandra asked, her voice laced with fatigue and defeat.

"Yes, you can." Sera answered happily. Cassandra sighed, almost wishing the elf would decline. Slowly, she gathered up her blanket and her pillows and migrated into Sera's room. She'd never actually spent time in Sera's room before, even after all the months of them being roommates. It was a tad messy, clothes littered the floor, and her bed was stacked high with pillows. She seemed a bit proud of her pillow collection and burrowed into them childishly when Cassandra entered. The room was dark, but not completely, the hall light shone through the crack of the door gently as she closed it partway behind her.

"You don't have a frame?" Cassandra asked, noticing the mattress was on the floor.

"Nah, never cared for 'em." Sera shrugged. The blonde pushed some pillows aside and patted the cleared space as an invitation to Cassandra, which she accepted. Cassandra threw down her own pillow and crawled into Sera's bed with a relaxed breath. Her bed was a lot softer than expected, a lot softer.

"Oh, your bed is fantastic." Cassandra almost moaned when she sunk into the plush surface. Sera snorted.

"Get's the job done." She shrugged and settled beside Cassandra. Sera stretched, her knee accidentally brushing against Cassandra's thigh, effectively scaring her. Cassandra sat up in slight concern.

"Sera, are you wearing pants?" She asked lowly, her eyes sending a harrowing glare at the elf through the darkness. Sera's eyes glinted slightly.

"No." She answered simply.

"You invited me in here, and you're naked?" Cassandra growled, disgusted.

"I'm not naked, Cass, calm down. I've got underthings on. And a shirt." Sera laughed. "You're so scared of women, Cassandra."

"I'm not scared of women." Cassandra bit back, sinking back into the blankets. The sheets smelled like Sera, like cinnamon and cookies...with just a hint of nug. It was unusually pleasant to Cassandra. "I'm just...not as..."

"You're body shy." Sera concluded. "And afraid of women."

"I'm just not interested in women." Cassandra said defensively. She was getting tense, her shoulders were stiff and brought up to her ears. A pillow was being strangled between her strong arms out of stress.

"Who said anything about that?" Sera sat up now, leaning closer to Cassandra so she couldn't try to escape their talk. "You don't have to be interested to be alright with being around 'em. You're being stubborn. Again."

"What is there to be stubborn about? I'm not being stubborn, you're being stubborn by not letting me sleep!"

And so the arguing began.

"This is about earlier isn't it?" Sera said, now glaring into Cassandra's eyes through the dark of the room. "With the cashier at the store? You're being all homophobic."

"I'm not homophobic! I don't care what you do! I just don't want to be a part of it!" Cassandra bellowed, sitting up to be face to face with Sera.

"I'm not forcing myself onto you, Cassandra! I wouldn't do that!" Sera argued, putting her hand to her chest. Her mood suddenly shifted from anger to sadness. Her head drooped and her voice lowered considerably. "I wouldn't do that. Do you think I'd do that to someone?"

Cassandra was very taken aback by Sera's sudden change in mood. Cassandra shook her head slightly in confusion.

"What do you mean?" She asked, her voice dropped low to almost a whisper. Sera looked away, casting her eyes off to an empty corner. She started to breath heavily, her hand went to her chest once more; the fabric of her shirt was clenched between her fingers tightly.

"Do you think I'm that much of a monster? That I could hurt someone like- like-" Sera's throat caught.

"Sera, I'm sorry I didn't-" Cassandra started. "I didn't mean to-"

"I know." Sera inturrupted, her voice wavering. She hugged herself and shuddered. Shaky, shallow breaths wracked her thin body. A warm arm snaked around her shoulders and pulled her into a firm hug. Cassandra held her friend closely, her form a silent apology. Sera, not typically accustomed to hugging, accepted it. She hugged back, wrapping her arms around Cassandra's flat stomach and snuggling her face into Cassandra's neck. Suddenly, their argument didn't matter. Their bodies entangled, legs intertwined, hearts pressed against each other. Nothing mattered for that moment. Sera relaxed, her body sinking into the protective cage Cassandra's arms formed. She sat up, hazel eyes shining ever so slightly in the darkness.

"Cassandra," She spoke softly, almost impossible to hear. Cassandra found herself staring in her eyes.

"Yes?" replied Cassandra, breathless all of a sudden.

"Have you..." Sera paused as if thinking about her own question. "Have you ever even been with a woman?" Cassandra's throat went impossibly dry, she shook her head as opposed to answering. "You haven't been with a woman? Well, how do you know you don't like it then?"

"What are you proposing, Sera?" Cassandra questioned, as if she didn't already know.

"I think you know, Cassandra." Sera said, her voice husky. Cassandra swallowed hard, her heart pounding in her chest.

"You're my friend, Sera, it'd be wrong to do this..."

"I think it's better this way." Sera said back, her face getting closer to Cassandra's. "At least like this you know who it is and you know I won't try to hurt you." Cassandra's lips trembled as Sera's grew closer. The elf's eyes grew half lidded. "Just tell me to stop." Cassandra could feel the heat of Sera's breath against her lips. "All you have to do is tell me to stop." Sera repeated. Cassandra mustered only two words in a short, hot breath; "Don't stop."

Sera's lips brushed softly against Cassandra's. The contact was so slight, the gentle touch would've been impossible to notice if it wasn't for the fire it ignited between them. It was an experiment, Sera knew, it meant nothing. But she could pretend it did. Her lips pressed roughly into Cassandra's. Their eyes fluttered shut. The older woman reciprocated by sliding her tongue across Sera's bottom lip. Sera's brows went up in surprise, she made a tiny hum of approval and opened her mouth for Cassandra's tongue to find it's way inside. While their mouths were bound in a fight for dominance, their entangled bodies became a playground for sera's wandering hands. Nimble fingers found their way beneath the thin fabric of Cassandra's tank-top and up to the supple flesh of her breasts to toy with pert nipples. Cassandra let out a low groan of approval. Sera smiled into their passionate kiss and teased Cassandra's breasts to her own pleasure. The elf pulled away slowly and traced kisses along Cassandra's stern jawline. Licks, kisses, and bites melded together down the firm column of Cassandra's neck, her collarbone, and her chest. Sera pulled off Cassandra's tank-top in a quick motion and replaced her hands with her mouth over Cassandra's breasts. Cassandra gasped at the sudden assault Sera's tongue posed against the sensitive skin, making Sera grin with mischief in her eyes. Cassandra flexed her hands and relaxed them repeatedly, she was uncertain of what to do with her hands.

"Sera...I-" She started.

"Shh, shh, shh," Sera hushed, lifting her face from Cassandra's chest. "There's no pressure, alright? The only words I should hear are 'stop' or 'more'."

"How about, 'take your shirt off'?" Cassandra responded, her voice so certain that she surprised herself. Sera was a bit thrown, but her surprise turned quickly into approval. With a smirk, she popped the clasps closing her button-up shirt and threw it aside. Cassandra wasn't prepared for what she bargained for. She felt her face heat up as her eyes scanned Sera's toned, freckled skin. Cassandra hesitated before hesitantly reaching out to pull Sera close to her again and into a warm kiss. Their bodies pressed together. Their breasts pushed tight together, they could feel each other's hearts pounding like drums. Sera's skin was so soft, so smooth, and so warm against Cassandra's. They reveled in it, the contact they had never had. Sera's hands wavered down Cassandra's sides and to the hem of the black boxer briefs she wore. Sera decided not to just go straight beneath the cloth. Her fingers danced over the inside of Cassandra's thighs before sliding right between her legs and pressing into the warmth of Cassandra's womanhood. Cassandra let out a shaky sigh and eased her eyes closed. Sera felt Cassandra's nails dig into her back, it sent chills up her spine. She brought her mouth back to Cassandra's neck, kissing softly and rubbing slow circles on her groin.

"Do you want me to stop?" Sera asked.

"If I really wanted you to stop, don't you think I would've said it already?" Cassandra replied a bit cooly. Sera swallowed hard and nodded slightly, feeling stupid for asking. She bit gently on Cassandra's shoulder and let her hands go beneath the elastic keeping her hands from the warm, soft skin beneath. Her fingers brushed through short curls before reaching the hot wetness both of them longed for. Sera's fingers quickly found the hard little bundle of nerves she knew would turn Cassandra into putty. Cassandra let out a moan, a real moan. A moan that surprised her and Sera. Low, throaty and drawn out, full of longing and lust. Sera found herself breathing hard as if she was the one getting the special treatment. She pressed her body against Cassandra's, grinding herself against Cassandra's hip. She let out a small whimper, the pleasure had been long overdue. Cassandra's hands found themselves a job and traveled to Sera's nether region. Her fingers were rough and calloused, she was unskilled, but she tried. She pressed against Sera's clitoris, maybe a bit too hard, and rubbed it in circles like Sera had been doing to her. Sera hissed at the sweet, rough feel of finally feeling Cassandra touch her.

"Hau, Cass, I- Oh~" Sera sputtered, unable to think clearly. Sera let out an especially loud squeak when Cassandra's fingers rolled around her clitoris just right. She shuddered and whimpered when Cassandra noticed the effect her fingers had and repeated the motions. Sera kissed feverishly along Cassandra's collar, relishing in the moment. She was close, as was Cassandra. Both of them writhed, their breathing heavy. But then from the corner of the room they heard a chime sound. It was the distinct ringing of Sera's phone from atop her dresser. She growled in frustration and glared at the device for ruining their moment.

"Bloody fucking shit." Sera sighed. She looked at Cassandra apologetically before rising from the bed to answer the call. Sera paced to her phone with anger in her hips, but as she neared and was able to see who had called, her demeanor changed; very quiet, sad even. She answered it quietly and twirled her hair in her fingers while she chatted with obvious tension. Meanwhile, Cassandra was mulling over recent events. Cassandra breathed deeply, she closed her eyes and ran her hands over her face in thought. What had she just done? And with a woman? And with Sera specifically, out of all the people in Thedas? A lump rose in her throat, a bitter ball of regret and disgust. She rushed to pull her clothes back on and proceeded to curl back up into the blankets. Sera, still as naked as the day she was born, hung up the phone and sniffled slightly, her shoulders tensed up and her breathing shallow. Cassandra sat up again out of concern and looked over to her friend.

"Sera?" She asked.

"I'm fine!" Sera said defensively. "I just...I...He couldn't have picked a worse time to call."

"Who was it?"

Sera bit her lip and shook her head a little.

"My da." She answered. "Well, step-da. I haven't talked to him in a few months. He...misses me." Sera covered her eyes with the palm of her hand, her other hand went to her hip. "Had to call right now?" She muttered under her breath.

"We shouldn't be doing this anyhow, Sera." Cassandra spat, her voice cold. Sera turned on her heel, her face questioning Cassandra sadly. "I regret this. I wish it hadn't happened. It was just...an experiment. A test. Nothing else." Sera was hoping this wouldn't happen. She blinked at Cassandra for a moment to process what she had said. Sera nodded, saying nothing, and pulled her clothes on. Cassandra caught herself staring at Sera's fragile frame sink back into baggy clothes. She rolled over to stare at the wall, confusion clouding her head. Sera settled back into the bed, her back towards Cassandra. Her heart was still pounding. The feeling of Cassandra, arguably one of her best friends, so close to her, touching her, still loomed on her skin. She shuddered through a sigh and rolled towards Cassandra, staring at her strong back.

"...Are you mad at me?" The elf asked, her voice barely above a whisper. Cassandra didn't answer for a long time, Sera thought she might've already fallen asleep. To her surprise, Cassandra rolled back to face her.

"I'm not mad." Cassandra assured, though she was emotionless when she spoke. Sera examined her face, empty eyes and neutral features, the thin line of her mouth conveying no emotion - though that much was fairly normal - she had to take her at her word.

"Okay." Sera breathed, she didn't believe her. They blinked at one and other for a minute or two, awkwardness looming between them. Cassandra rolled her eyes slightly. Her strong hand found Sera's and gave it a firm, reassuring squeeze. Hazel eyes locked with gold one more time for the night.

"I'm not mad, Sera." Cassandra said sternly.

"I said 'okay' didn't I?" Sera bit back. She wanted to pull away from Cassandra but couldn't find it in herself to do so. "Just...just- I- just hold me you arse" Cassandra complied and pulled Sera into a tight hug. Sera swallowed a lump in her throat, feelings surfacing that she didn't want to deal with. "I hate you, you- you-" Sera growled to no avail. Cassandra just hugged a bit tighter.

"I know you do."


	4. Chapter 4

**I know MAU fics aren't too popular, so thank you to those who actually read this. I love this fic, and this unpopular ship. It's such a good ship, I don't understand why no one else likes it. Anyway, enjoy, thank you for reading.**

***cough*tellyourfriends*cough***

.o0o.

Cassandra awoke the next morning confused as to why she wasn't on the couch. The memories came back in a flood, the night before; her and Sera. She sighed. Her eyes were heavy, they stung at the light of the morning sun. She wanted to go back to sleep but the thoughts and emotions parading around her mind wouldn't permit her. _Sera._ Cassandra rolled to see Sera sleeping beside her still, her back to Cassandra. The elf's breathing was slow and relaxed, appearing to be in the depths of sleep. Cassandra let out a breath in thought, remembering what had happened and planning the rest of the day accordingly. It was their day off. Ordinarily, they would spend today watching reruns of _Swords &amp; Shields_ after Cassandra went to the Chantry service, however Cassandra felt that she would stay out for most of today.

_'Wonder what Josephine is up to?'_ She thought to herself. _'Maybe she can help me.'_ Stern eyes spared another glance at the elf on the other side of the bed before Cassandra finally pulled herself out of bed and started to wander out.

"Where you goin'?" Sera's voice came suddenly from behind Cassandra, startling her. Cassandra didn't let it show and didn't turn to face Sera.

"Chantry." She replied stiffly.

"...You comin' back?" Sera asked. She dare not turn herself to look at Cassandra, she gazed thoughtfully off at the wall, not wanting to see if she was actually going to leave.

"Tonight. Maybe." Cassandra said. _'Maybe I won't.'_ She thought to herself. Sera could feel the silent threat made and pushed out a huff of air through her nose.

Sera replied, "Alright. Don't be stupid." and allowed Cassandra to leave with a grunt in reply. Cassandra trudged through the apartment, half-heartedly dressing herself to look presentable enough for the Chantry, with Miss Ladybits following at her heels. The pudgy little nug chewed playfully at her ankles, it was frustrating but Cassandra's thoughts were too preoccupied to acknowledge it. At one point the little creature finally bit down hard enough to draw Cassandra's attention to the floor.

"Ow! What do you want?" She exclaimed at the creature. Miss Ladybits sat innocently, tongue lolling out of the side of her mouth and little tail wiggling beneath her chubby behind. Cassandra petted her with rough fingers behind her tall ears. "Little pest." She grumbled. Cassandra stuffed her keys in her pocket and exited the apartment, locking the door behind her. She could hear Miss Ladybits scratching from the other side while making high-pitched whines and whistles. Cassandra rolled her eyes and walked away down the hall, unconcerned. Heavy boots thudded down the stairs into the lobby while Cassandra lazily checked her phone. She found Josephine's number and called. The dial-tone echoed in her ear for less than a second before Josephine answered.

"Hello?" The familiar, honey-sweet voice of Josephine chimed through the phone.

"Hey, Josie." Cassandra answered. Cassandra exited the apartment building and started to walk down the road in the direction of the Chantry.

"Oh, Cassandra! So nice of you to call." Josephine said, Cassandra could practically hear her smiling through the phone. "What are you up to?"

"Ah, just headed to the Chantry. I was wondering if you wanted to meet up after the service. I...I just need to talk to someone." Cassandra said solemnly.

"Is everything alright?" Josephine asked, her voice full of worry.

"I'm not sure." Cassandra replied, exasperation in her voice. "I just...It's complicated."

"You're not hurt right?" The protective voice of Josephine asked.

"No, I'm fine." Cassandra assured. "I'll just see you later."

"Where do you want to meet?"

"How does your place work?"

"Sounds perfect."

.o0o.

The Chantry service calmed Cassandra's nerves and took her thoughts away from what had transpired the night before. For a time. Once she left the Chantry the feelings rushed back. So much confusion and disgust. _'Why...Why did I let her?'_ Cassandra wondered as she meandered to Josephine's house._ 'Why did we...How could I let that happen? I don't like her like that; I don't even like women!'_

In her reverie she made it to Josephine's front door. Her house was overly luxurious: the wide oak door was glossy and smooth, windows tall and shiny in the sun, flowers bloomed stupendously around the house in well-tended beds. The walls were chiseled red brick, bright and new even though she had been living in this house for quite some time. It was obvious that if anyone lived in such a lovely house, it was Josephine. Cassandra rapped her knuckles against the wooden door sternly. Through a window beside the door Cassandra saw Josephine skip hurriedly to answer the door. The Antivan answered the door with a smile as warm as the sun and pulled Cassandra into a tight embrace.

"Cassie! I feel like it's been forever." She exclaimed, her dark curls effectively smothering Cassandra in sweet perfume.

"It has been forever." Cassandra chuckled, ignoring the silky hair in her face and hugging Josephine back. "Your hair is down, that's new."

"Oh, yes, I'm a bit behind with my daily schedule." Josephine said, a bit flustered, as she pulled back and tucked a stray lock behind her ear. "I haven't done my hair just yet."

"It looks nice, you should leave it." Cassandra replied and casually walked inside Josephine's home. The inside was just as extravagant as the outside. Spotless white tiles, top-model appliances and designer furniture; on top of that, the whole place smelled like honey.

"Oh, I don't know...I like putting it up." Josephine said, waving her hand frivolously. Cassandra shrugged and wandered in the direction of Josephine's bedroom.

"It's your hair."

"True." Josephine giggled slightly and nodded. "Perhaps I will leave it down. For today." A small smile graced Cassandra's face at the sound of her friend's words. She was always worrying about something. It was nice for her to relax for once. Cassandra approached the familiar, plain white door that lead to Josephine's room. Cassandra could hear music playing through Josephine's door, it seemed a bit more edgy than what the Antivan would listen to. Cassandra raised a questioning brow to Josephine and pointed at the door.

"That's not Morrigan, is it?" Cassandra asked in reference to Josephine's long-time roommate.

"Oh, no, I forgot to mention;" Josephine said. "Leliana moved back in with me."

"What happened to her this time?" Cassandra asked. Leliana had a tendency to get overly paranoid. It often lead to her being too scared to stay by herself for fear of someone coming after her. It was sad watching her jump from couch to couch because she was too afraid to live on her own.

"She swears up and down that the man across the hall was watching her constantly." Josephine said, her eyes sorrowful.

"Was there proof of it?" Cassandra questioned. Perhaps Leliana's paranoia wasn't completely from her head. But, judging by the tearful haze in Josephine's eyes, that wasn't the case.

"No one lived across the hall." Josephine answered in a hush. It hit Cassandra hard. She looked down at her boots in thought, processing. "Cassandra, I'm really worried about her."

"I am too... I didn't realize how bad it had gotten." Cassandra whispered. "I don't know how much she had seen in the war...she never told me."

"All of you saw a lot. Too much. I'm afraid for all of you." Josephine said sternly, she gripped Cassandra's arm to emphasize her concern. "Leliana, Varric, Cullen, you; all of you. That war tore you apart."

Cassandra said nothing. She forced a lump of panic down her dry throat. Her breath trembled as she turned and pushed her way into Josephine's room. Upon an outrageously fluffy bed, snuggled in an obscene mountain of pillows much like Sera's, was a familiar pale red-head reading a book. She jumped at the sudden opening of the door but relaxed and grinned when she realized who had entered.

"Oh my Maker, Cassandra! It's been too long!" The woman chirped, rising from the bed to hug her friend.

"Far too long, Leliana." Cassandra mused, trying to hide her sadness. She could see how Leliana's health had deteriorated. Her bright blue eyes had become dull, her face was sunken like she hadn't been eating or sleeping, and her usually lean body had become fragile and bony. Leliana forced a smile, though truly glad to see her friend again. "I heard you've been having trouble. How are you feeling now?" Cassandra questioned. Leliana gave her a half hearted smirk and a shrug before sitting back on Josephine's bed.

"I'm alive." Was her answer. "Josie has been keeping an eye on me. And so has Morrigan."

"Oh yes, you and Morrigan, how have you two been?" Cassandra continued to question as she joined Leliana on the bed, Josephine snuggling in with them as well. Leliana's cheeks turned a slight pink.

"We're good. Very good." The red head answered curtly.

"They're true lovebirds, these two." Josephine chortled, earning a glare from Leliana. "They're adorable. And it's nice to see them together all the time instead of Morrigan leaving and not coming back until the wee hours."

There was a light rapping in the doorway, the women turned to see the raven-haired beauty they had been talking about so avidly leaning casually against the doorframe. Golden eyes flicked with a spark of mischief, she grinned.

"Talking about me behind my back? I was gone all of ten minutes to drop off Kieran at his father's; is that how long it takes for you to turn on me?" She jested.

"Of course not, love, it was all good things, I promise." Leliana replied, a grin on her face. Morrigan chuckled before giving Cassandra a polite nod.

"Hello Cassandra."

"Morrigan." Cassandra returned the nod. Morrigan sauntered into the room and joined the others on the bed, snuggling beside Leliana protectively and giving her a gentle kiss on the temple.

"How are you feeling?" Morrigan asked quietly.

"I'm alright." Leliana insisted, putting a thin hand on Morrigan's thigh for reassurance. Leliana pushed stray red locks behind her ear and turned to Cassandra. "Anyhow, Cass, what brings you over out of the blue? It's been so long; how are you doing?"

It was then that Cassandra remembered why she had come over in the first place. The stern woman took a long breath and looked over her close friends with guilt and pity.

"I did something and...I'm not sure how I feel." She said slowly. The other women grew tense, Cassandra was normally not one to be so cryptic. She paused, no one else spoke. With another sigh she continued. "I...I...*sigh* you all know Sera, my roommate, right?"

"Yeah, sure."

"Mmhmm."

"Heard about her."

Cassandra bit her lip. Thoughts pervaded her mind of Sera's freckled face so close to hers and their warm bodies pressed so close.

"I...we...She..." Cassandra stuttered. Leliana sat up a little straighter to look Cassandra in the eyes. They locked eyes, Leliana scanning for the words Cassandra couldn't say.

"Oh my Maker." She gasped, eyes growing wide and a smirk gliding across her lips. "You had sex with her?"

Cassandra's face turned ten shades if red and she buried her face in the plethora of pillows to hide.

"Wait, no! Did you really?" Josephine's shocked voice loomed in her ear. Cassandra nodded into the pillows and curled tightly into a ball.

"Didn't realize you batted for our team, Cassandra. 'Tis a surprise." Morrigan's sultry voice chuckled. Cassandra sat back up, frustrated and embarrassed.

"I don't like women and I don't like Sera! I feel terrible that it happened!" Cassandra almost shouted. "She was my friend-_ is my friend_! I don't want that to change. And I certainly am not looking for a relationship, especially with a woman!"

"Cassandra, relax." Josephine cooed, placing a gentle hand on her shoulder. "Morrigan was just trying to make a little joke-"

"Well this isn't a joking matter!" Cassandra was fuming. "I had sex with her! Of all people! I had sex with her and- and- and-" Cassandra couldn't hold back a sob and buried her face in her hands. "...I did like it. I don't want to. I don't want this. I'm not attracted to her. I don't think. I don't know. This is so confusing! I feel like throwing up when I think about it, but it's all I've been able to think about! All I can see is her face so-" _Hurt._ Cassandra could see pain in her eyes, Sera knew she would react like this but still had sex with her. Sera wanted her and was willing to risk her happiness from then on for that moment of bliss with Cassandra. "I just don't know what I should do." Cassandra breathed, defeated. Her friends, shocked by the news and her outburst, were frozen in place. None of them could come up with an immediate course of action for what felt like hours. Cassandra looked back up to them, their warm eyes scanning her with worry. Eventually, Josephine spoke up.

"You need to really, really think about it, Cassandra. Do you want to be friends with Sera? Or do you want more?"

"I don't know!" Cassandra whined.

"You need to think about it for longer than that, dear." Morrigan spoke up. "You don't just decide you love or hate someone. 'Tis a thing that blossoms. Only you know what you want, but you might have to dig deep to realize it."

"It might not be your first choice," Leliana joined in. "Or even your second or third, but if it's the hard choice, it's usually the right choice in the end. When you push through the tough stuff and come out on top, that's when you're really happy."

Cassandra softened at their words and saw the tender way Leliana and Morrigan exchanged gentle smiles and a quick peck after what they had said; they were talking from experience. They were happy together, unlike when they had first met. In fact, they despised each other. But something happened along the way that brought them together. Maybe it wasn't just one thing, maybe it was a collection of things. It made them friends, and then lovers. Cassandra's heart pinched. It reminded her of Sera, just like everything seem to do since last night.

"I can't be falling for that damn crazy elf...Can I?" Cassandra asked blindly. Her friends all shrugged, slight smiles on their faces.

"I'd go home and have a talk with her if I were you, Cassandra." Leliana said, both sly and serious. Cassandra glanced between them somewhat frantically before abruptly excusing herself and sprinting back home.

.o0o.

"Sera?!" Cassandra shouted as soon as she burst into their apartment. It was silent. Cassandra's shoulders slumped, she kicked the door closed behind her, and contemplated what she was going to do. She sighed and put her free hand to her forehead, the other hand held a small bag of chocolate chip cookies. "Stupid..." The clumsy padding of Miss Ladybits' hand-like paws brought her attention up. Around the chubby nug's neck was a letter tied up in a red ribbon. Cassandra kneeled down, pulled the pet into her lap, untied the ribbon, and unfurled the letter. It was Sera's handwriting, quick and a tad sloppy, maybe a bit more than usual.

_"Hey Cassandra._

_I'm sleeping at Bull's place for a few days and then I'm going to meet up with my step da for a while. I don't know when I'll be back but I have my phone so if you need to text me go ahead. I already told coryf-(this part is all scribbled out) that I'd be gone for a while and he was alright. So...yeah._

_Don't do anything dumb._

_And I'm sorry for what happened._

_~Sera_

_P.S. You can sleep in my room still. If you want."_

There was a lack of her usual cheeriness and random doodles. It was straightforward. Stoic, almost mechanical. Completely unlike Sera. Cassandra had a feeling she was planning to do something stupid since she had decided to spend the night at Iron Bull's. That man could drink, and he could get nearly anyone to drink. Sera had taken a vow to be sober alongside Cassandra so it wouldn't be so tough on her. Cassandra could feel that vow being broken. Another puff of air escaped her, short and frustrated.

"It's going to be a long few days." Cassandra mumbled to Miss Ladybits. The nug's tongue lolled out of the side of her mouth as she cocked her head to the side questioningly. Cassandra pet the nug carelessly and retired to Sera's bedroom.

.o0o.

The first night was arguably the worst. Cassandra couldn't rid herself of the empty feeling in the pit of her stomach and the throbbing in her heart. She didn't sleep at all, not like she could anyhow. The nagging panic in the back of her skull about waking from a night terror alone was enough to keep her up. Then there was the added torment of Sera's room; all the smells that reminded Cassandra of her.

It was killer.

The next day was just as bad. She dragged through it. Work was a pain without Sera there to pull her through. It was ten times more tiresome dealing with idiot customers, useless staff, and Corypheus alone. She hardly spoke to anyone. Her goal for the whole day was to go home and curl back up in Sera's sheets with Miss Ladybits in her arms. And that is precisely what she did.

Then came the second night. Cassandra stared at her phone clutched in her pale fingers for hours in an internal fight over whether she should text Sera of not. But with her body being as tired as it was, the draining of her mind pushed her into a shallow sleep. Her sleep was disrupted by the fear she had been harboring since the moment she realized Sera was gone; the night terrors. Her body locked up tight, her lungs and heart imploding, and there was nothing she could do but scream. Praise the Maker that Cole had been wandering between floors and heard her. The skinny blonde was able to alert Varric, who was then able to unlock Cassandra's flat and bring her back down to Thedas.

Varric started to sleep on the couch after that.

Second day came and went. As did days three, four, five, six, seven...and fifteen.

Cassandra rolled over on the morning of Sera's fifteenth day of absence to stare at her phone like she had done every night prior. She just laid there glaring at the object as if it was at fault for Sera's leaving. Cassandra almost didn't notice Varric's sudden presence in the door way until he knocked lightly. She didn't look at him, her gaze was fixed.

"Cassandra..." Varric sighed. "You haven't eaten for two days. And you haven't showered for...a while. C'mon. Come eat and get cleaned up." Cassandra said nothing. She didn't give him any sort of feedback. Again, Varric sighed. "Cassandra please." The blonde begged, weakness showing through for the first time in a long time. "I can't watch you kill yourself like this!"

It was when the tears were obvious in his voice, Cassandra managed to come back to reality. Varric was standing over her with tears running down his cheeks and his fists clenched at his sides.

"...Varric." Cassandra breathed. "...I'm sorry."

"Don't make me say it, Cassandra." Varric barked, his fingers trembling. Cassandra didn't know what he meant and continued to lay there, studying him. The dwarf was positively enraged. "I'll say it!"

"Say what?" Cassandra asked, her dry throat cracking.

_"Get up Pentaghast!"_ Varric shouted. It was yet another dagger in Cassandra's heart. To hear Varric repeat what Hawke had said to her brought the firefight back for a split second. A violent flash, a rip through her system. Varric grabbed Cassandra by her forearms and pulled her up to a sitting position. "I said get up!" He was desperate. Cassandra looked up to her old friend, shocked and apologetic, she hugged him. Varric hugged back, burly arms almost too tight around her shoulders.

"I'm sorry Varric, it's just...I-" She choked.

"I know what it's like to loose people you care about, Cassandra." Varric interrupted. "But you haven't lost Sera! She's out there! All you have to do is call her, or message her, something! Anything!" Cassandra nodded into Varric's chest and gripped him a little tighter. They stayed together until the two had finally calmed down enough and they agreed not to tell anyone that either of them had started crying. "Get up," Varric repeated, pulling away. "We're going for a walk, you're going to eat, and then you're going to sit down and talk to Sera, alright?"

"Alright." Cassandra whimpered.

.o0o.

Cassandra showered, she reveled in the feeling of being clean again, then she left with Varric and Cole. The three walked around town with no real destination in mind. Cassandra and Varric made little conversation, the two of them were mostly keeping an eye on Cole. He was an odd boy. Cassandra never asked if something was 'wrong' with him, she didn't care to. Cole was Varric's son, nothing would change her view on that. Even if he was absolutely bizarre sometimes.

"Cole, son, don't pet that cat; we don't know if it's diseased or something." Varric parented when Cole's curious fingers went for a stray cat. The boy flinched and pulled away.

"Okay..." He mumbled, disappointed. Varric shook his head slightly but continued walking. At one point he pulled a carton of cigarettes and a lighter from his pants pocket. Varric's stubby, calloused fingers poked a cigarette in his mouth and lit it in a flash. A long, slow drag went in his lungs and blew slowly out his nose. Cassandra watched with disappointment as the smoke trailed behind him.

"I thought you quit." She said. Varric shrugged, putting the lighter and carton back into his pockets.

"Shit happens." He replied casually.

"Why did you start again?" Cassandra questioned. Varric breathed a long draw before answering.

"Sera." He replied. "I miss her too."

.o0o.

After an hour or two, the trio returned to Cassandra's apartment. Cassandra was sitting on the floor with her back against the couch and Varric beside her. Cole was curled up on the couch with Miss Ladybits in his arms. In Cassandra's hands was her phone. She was sitting there once more, staring at the device with death in her eyes. pen on the phone's screen was Sera's contact. The flashing cursor mocked Cassanda, blinking in waiting for her to type something. Her fingers were trembling, breathing ragged. She forced herself to press the keys.

She had to say something.

Anything.

_"Come home."_


End file.
